worn
I'm just going to level with you. Pregnancy is hard, Cesareans are no joke to recover from, and returning to work full-time is the icing on the cake. But it's not a delicious cake. The ingredients of this cake are sleepless nights, endless tears, roller coasters of emotions, feelings that I'm not going to measure up or ever have it together again. Ever. And then, when I've eaten every last bite of this cake another one comes out of the oven and I get to start over. Not because I want to eat more cake but because I have to. Because there are alarm clocks to answer, diapers to be changed, clothes to be washed, papers to be graded, meetings to attend, and conferences to be had. Sometimes I just want to scream (and I'm pretty sure I have in my car alone) "EVERYBODY STOP!" But even if I did scream, it wouldn't do any good because, well, refer to two sentences ago. See? So instead of screaming for everyone to stop for a second, I just take another bite and drag myself through a few more minutes of the day.
Tenth Avenue North, one of my favorite bands, heard my heart and wrote this song just for me. At least that's what I choose to believe because they take everything I'm feeling and thinking, make it rhyme and put it to pretty music. The first line of the song goes like this: "I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing". Wow. That's me. But thank God it doesn't stop there. Stop and listen for a second to Worn if the rest of this is going to make any sense.
At the end of the day, it's a matter of a heart change, not a circumstance change. My babies are just that - babies. They need their Mama and Daddy and we have the privilege of raising them. Our jobs are blessings and they require a lot out of us, but they're the jobs we've chosen and praise God we have them. This is reality. It's messy and it seems like too much a lot of the time. So instead of focusing on being worn, I'm going to focus on another line from my favorite song: "Heaven, come and flood my eyes".
My prayer for myself this week and all my friends who are experiencing this same feeling of being worn out is this:
Tenth Avenue North, one of my favorite bands, heard my heart and wrote this song just for me. At least that's what I choose to believe because they take everything I'm feeling and thinking, make it rhyme and put it to pretty music. The first line of the song goes like this: "I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy from the work it takes to keep on breathing". Wow. That's me. But thank God it doesn't stop there. Stop and listen for a second to Worn if the rest of this is going to make any sense.
At the end of the day, it's a matter of a heart change, not a circumstance change. My babies are just that - babies. They need their Mama and Daddy and we have the privilege of raising them. Our jobs are blessings and they require a lot out of us, but they're the jobs we've chosen and praise God we have them. This is reality. It's messy and it seems like too much a lot of the time. So instead of focusing on being worn, I'm going to focus on another line from my favorite song: "Heaven, come and flood my eyes".
My prayer for myself this week and all my friends who are experiencing this same feeling of being worn out is this:
"Father, flood my eyes with You. When I feel like it's too much, overwhelm me instead with Your goodness and Your mercy. Help me to maintain my focus on what truly matters and give me the strength to accomplish the task You've called me to."
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