5 Things All Grandparents Should Consider

I was recently asked by a friend and former colleague to give advice on grand parenting. Wow! Where do I even start?! What qualifies me to give grandparent advice? To be honest, only one thing: I'm a mom. So, I sat down and started thinking about my children's relationships with their grandparents. I thought about what I love and what I think can be even better. I looked at this from my own perspective and tried to see it through the eyes of my husband and our parents as well. What I've come up with is far from perfect, but it's honest. And we need more honesty in our lives if our relationships are going to be anything worth fighting for.

The following list pertains to grandparents from all walks of life: first-time grandparents, ones with more grand kids than you can count, ones who live close by, ones who FaceTime often, working grandparents, and retired grandparents, and every other grandparent in between. No matter where you find yourself on the grandparent spectrum, I hope you find something to take away from this.

1. Respect the time of your children and their spouses.
Be mindful of nap times. Be aware of their school, work, and church schedules. Plan evening and/or daytime activities to enhance family time. You never want your time together to be burdensome or stressful because of poor planning. This may mean you do not get to see your grandchildren as often as you would like, but the time you do have together will be even more meaningful.

2. Respect the routines and procedures of your children.
Bath time, bed time, tv time, nap time, outside play time, indoor play time, reading time, meal time... children thrive on routine! You don't have to understand your children's reasons for why and when they do things; you don't even have to agree with them. What matters is that you try to do things the same way when you're being entrusted with your grandchildren. Your sons and daughters will be happier to leave their children overnight at your house when they know their children's schedules will not be completely out of whack for the next week.

3. Respect the space in your children's houses.
This comes from an article I read last week about toys. Have conversations about what your children want their own kids to have. From movies and video games to crafts and outdoor equipment, talk about what they have space for. Also, remember that every visit does not warrant a gift. If you take stuff every time you see your grandchildren, you are encouraging them to expect rather than to appreciate these things.

4. Respect their ability to make parenting choices.
You have had your opportunity to raise children the best way you saw fit. Now it is up to your sons and daughters to do the same. Questioning and undermining their choices as parents will not only create walls between you and them, but it will also damage your relationship with your grandchildren. Let your children make dumb parenting mistakes. Give them time to read all the books and then make their own choices. You can disagree, but you don't have to voice your disagreement as long as it's not harming your grandchildren. Gluten free? Sure. Sunscreen every 15 minutes? Why not? Rear facing until age four? Have at it. Your grandchildren are your children's children. That means your children should be making the decisions about raising their families.

5. Ask - don't offer.
Keeping the previous four ideas in mind... Call your son expressing your interest in taking the grand kids to the zoo for the day. Text your daughter and tell her you want to keep the kids overnight so she can go on a hot date with her husband. Don't simply tell your children that you're available when they need you. In your eyes, this seems less pushy and more open. In your child's eyes, you're offering out of guilt or pity. No one wants that. Set a time to spend alone time with your grandchildren and make their parents leave you alone. :)

Parents, what would you add to this list? Grandparents, does this help?